Retail Ridiculousness

For those of you who need a laugh, here’s a great story from work the other night. 

As a manager I handle returns and exchanges, so I was called to the front of the store to help this older gentleman, about 60 years old. We head over the the counter and he slams down his half empty gallon of milk and tells me it’s sour… The expiration date is May 31, so not even close. By this time there is another lady behind him needing a return done also. 

Guy: This is sour. I want my money back. 

Me: Okay, the expiration date says May 31st. It doesn’t look like this would be expired. 

Guy: Well it is. 

Me: Okay, can I see your receipt?

Guy: Why would I keep a receipt for milk? Your receipts are so long. (Turns to the lady behind him) Would you keep your receipt?

Lady: Yes. I keep all my receipts. 

Guy: Well I don’t. 

Me: I can’t return this without a receipt. Especially since it’s half empty. 

Guy: Do you want me to dump this milk all over your floor?

Me: Um. No. 

Guy: Then return the milk.

Me: I can’t do that.

So the guy grabs the milk, opens it, and walks out of the store with the carton upside down. 

#thanksbro

Don’t cry over spilled milk. 

Open Letter to Retail Shoppers

Dear Retail Shopper,

Welcome to our store, where you will always be right… even when you’re wrong. I would like to fill you in on a little shopping etiquette, as some of you may have forgotten.

• Please and Thank You go a long way in our world. It can be the difference between letting your expired manufacturer coupon go and writing you a rain check to save you some money vs tossing your coupon and letting you pay more.
• Stop leaving carts everywhere. PLEASE. Finding them all around the store and tracking them down in the parking lot makes the employees a little cranky.
• No, we don’t have a magic supply of goods in the back, so don’t get mad when we don’t have something. Odds are, (unless it’s food) what we have is out on the shelves. If you ask me to check, odds are I’ll go in back and stand in front of the bay it should be and glance at it even knowing there wont be anything there.
• For the love of God quit letting your children pull toys off the shelves and dumping them on the floor. We already have to straighten the aisle before we leave so finding toys all over the store and the floor makes our job harder.
• We LOVE when you come in with coupons organized and ready to go after we scan your items. To those of you who do this… You are a God send.
• We all have our bad days, so excuse the cashier or manager that gets short with you after the fourteenth question.
• We know you’re busy and we’re just trying to help when we ask you if you’re finding everything okay, there is no need to get upset about it, just say no and carry on with your shopping.

Now enjoy the ride that is retail shopping, come again!

 

Our Online Dating Profiles

Today we have decided to write each others online dating profiles. . .

Name: Haley

Bio: Hi, I’m Haley. I’m a pretty spectacular person, pretty amazing if you really want to know. I love Grey’s Anatomy, Jessi, Harry Potter, and Olive Garden. I am a bookworm (Harry Potter [obvs] FTW), brownie points if you are, too. I am currently studying radiology with a minor in Spanish. I’m a pretty cool person. Hit me up.

Name: Jessi

Bio: So, I’m Jessi. I’m super special. I have a strange obsession with cats, my fur baby is named Clyde. I enjoy drinking wine from plastic cups, watching Grey’s Anatomy, quoting Batman and kayaking. Currently in school learning to be a counselor for drugs and alcohol, and I have frequent solo dance parties in my kitchen to Taylor Swift songs. Let’s see if we click!

 

(Haley writing) As we speak, Jessi is having a solo dance party in the kitchen, and my phone is off limits because I’m the kind of person to snapchat that to everyone we know. So basically, this is just a little funny for the day, it’s what happens when we get bored.

With love,

The Black Sheep

Two for One

In the spirit of writing letters of advice to our future husbands, I figured I would make one more fact about myself known to all. I have a best friend. Not just a “BFF” or “bestie,” but my best friend, in the whole world, and she’s going to be around five-ever. There’s a saying that I love that goes something like “fate made us sisters, hearts made us friends.” We aren’t sisters, but we met through circumstances completely out of our control. Over the years, we’ve come to realize that those circumstances couldn’t possibly have been any better for us. Psychologists say that if a friendship lasts for seven years, it will last forever. Well, we’re going on fifteen years and it hasn’t slowed down. I don’t know what the friend equivalent for soulmates is, but that’s what we are. So, if our future husbands are out there, you should remember a few things.

We are a package deal. Good luck separating us, because even if we want to throw each other off of a bridge, we’re going to be there for each other, no matter what.

You hurt her, you deal with me. I’m not a very scary person at first, but I’m going to stick up for her until I can’t anymore.

If I were going to commit a murder, she’s the one I’m going to call to help me hide the body. Just keep that in mind.

She knows more about me than I probably know about myself. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t leave her because she knows too much about me to be set free.

We share our feelings. We share the happiness and the hurt, we grow together and we fall down together. But it’s always easier to get up when you have someone to hold your hand.

We are a two-for-one deal. You may be with her, but don’t expect me to disappear anytime soon. I’ll always be around for her, just like I know she’ll be there for me.

I believe with all my heart that God gives us the people we need to grow, and he places us with those who will never let us walk alone. She is one of those people, and I can’t put into words how thankful I am to have her for a friend.

Dear Future Husband. . .

Dear Future Husband,

There are some things you need to know before you decide to make a lifelong commitment to me.

I get hangry real fast, by fast I mean I go from 1 to 60 in 3 seconds or less. I need to eat roughly every three to four hours, or things start going wrong.

I have a passion for dancing, whether it’s on a stage, in the kitchen, or in the car. No matter where it is I’ll always go full out. Be warned though, I’m terrible at dancing to pop songs.

I’m a terrible singer, but when it comes to the car it becomes my stage and I’m the best singer in the world. I turn my radio up loud and sing every word. No one is allowed to touch the stereo except for myself, that includes to turn it down.

Harry Potter is life. If I get mad at you, the best thing to say is, “How about a glass of wine and a Harry Potter movie?” You’ll win me over every time. Same with any Disney movie.

Thursday nights are dedicated to Grey’s Anatomy. Don’t interrupt that. Even better, watch it with me.

I sleep with about 8 blankets and 4 pillows. I do not share them, even if I’m not using them. I will claim unused pillows and blankets throughout the night. Also, I toss and turn a lot, so good luck with that.

I get sassy real fast when things don’t go my way. Call it last-born syndrome, but I tend to get sassy real quick. You can change that quickly through redirection.

More importantly there are two huge things that may factor into your deciding to marry me.

First, at this point I do not want children. At all. I have enough kids in my family already, and I don’t need my own. Maybe some day that will change, but don’t be the person to pressure me into having kids. I am not made for them right now.

Second, I believe in Jesus. I was raised in a Lutheran church, and I plan to stay in a Lutheran church. I would love if you go to church with me, but that is entirely up to you.

 

Lastly, don’t give up on me. I’m stubborn and a pain in the a**, but I will love you through the good times and the bad.

With love,

 

Your Potential Wife

♥♥♥

All Hail Rafiki

So my roommate and I were taking a much needed study break during finals week, complete with chicken nuggets, fries and chips and salsa. Typical college. Of course, you need a movie, right? Obviously we went with Disney, specifically The Lion King, which is always a solid classic. It’s one I absolutely love, and could watch repeatedly. It doesn’t get any less fantastic every time I do. During this particular viewing, I decide to look up Rafiki’s fabulous line “asante sana squash banana,” because I think it sounds hilarious. I came across this clever article about Rafiki’s quotes throughout the movie that I thought others would enjoy.

10 Rafiki Quotes       

As an ending note, the 9 servings of fries we ate during this movie don’t matter obviously, cuz it’s in da past. Thanks Rafiki.